A Day at the Wal-Part 1.
Life sucks with no camera, yeap yeap. Sorry for the lack of updates. Soon though, soon.
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--Hour 1--
I have arrived at Wal-Mart exactly a half hour after I woke up. I think that is pretty good, considering I spent that half hour telling my self I really didn't want to go threw with it. I am sorry for ever coming up with the idea in the first place. I had a whole poll and whatnot though, and told my friend I believed I could make it, So I guess I kind of felt obliged to go through with this nonsense.
Nonsense tends to fallow me around for some reason.
I'm tired, and not particularly in the right state of mind, so I'm struggling before I even have a chance to realize I'm only ten minutes in. Me and nonsense decide to have a look around, and get our bearings.
It's definitely a Fucking a Wal-Mart.
And I'm definitely Fucking here.
--Hour 2--
After having a bit of a looksy, I felt like I needed to blend into my surroundings a little better. Get into the spirit of the Wal you could say. So I headed for the hunting section and found myself a nice hunting vest, and camouflage hat that said “Dodge” on it.
This will make me appear like a redneck quite splendidly.
Is splendidly even a word? I guess so, because the little red squiggly lines have not shown up under it.
Mckay-1
Spell check-45,678
Anyways, I felt as though my outfit was not quite complete. It needed something a bit more, It needed to shout hick, and it wasn't quite there. I browsed around and found myself a turtleneck warmer type thingie, I don't even know what you call them, but it was red and went around my neck,so it was perfect.
My transformation from normal to white trash was complete.
--Hour 3--
I guess since this is going to be home for the time being I might as well help myself to more then just clothes. I'm definitely going to need some food, it's essential to survival you know, but first I'm going to get me a notepad to write on.
I actually hate fucking writing down shit, and I rarely need to because my memory is fucking elite, but I will just make a note or two just in case I get sidetracked. If you can't tell, when I'm writing I get easily sidetracked. Most of my conversations are similar, going off on tangents that few can follow.
Maybe the reason I have few friends.
Maybe the reason I can count the number of girls I've kissed with the number 1.
I'm pretty sure I don't need this notebook, but one of my secret missions while I'm here is to steal a lot of shit.
So I'm taking every chance I get.
--Hour 4--
The object of this game is really quite simple.
Kill time and you shall succeed.
Killing time requires two things. Motivation and “shit to do”
We have established that I have no motivation to be here, and I know what you're saying, well no shit it's a Wal-Mart and your trying to spend the day there, and it's probably gayer then two guys Fucking. But that's not what I mean, I totally expected this to be rough, but for some reason I decided to come on a day I had no energy to help me kill time.
So since I'm not going to help myself, I was relying on “shit to do” to keep my interest and cut away at the time. Naturally I headed to the electronic section as my number one chance to get threw this blight, and was truly let down to figure out that Wal-Mart doesn't play movies on their displayed TV's. They just play a bunch of infomercials on repeat every five minutes.
I'm not in marketing or anything, but I'm pretty sure the way you make someone interested in buying your product is to make them feel like they need your product. And I'm not in marketing or anything, but I'm pretty sure watching a good movie on a TV far superior to mine, makes me want it.
I guess they figured the average attention span of the people who shop at their store, couldn't possibly exceed thirty seconds.
I have lost my number one ally because people are retarded. This makes me very sad.
I end up watching it for about a half hour anyways, and still had the urge to purchase a 50” TV.
--Hour 5--
I don't know if any of you have ever seen the movie “Career Opportunities”, and if you haven't then you should. It's not the best movie ever, but it makes you feel really happy because the main character gets to do something I'm pretty sure everyone has fantasized about sometime in their life.
My situation isn't exactly the same, and unlike him the amount of fun I'm having is somewhere in the range of shit. The one thing we do have in common though, is isles and isles of food at our disposal.
And since I'm trying out my clepto skills, I'm pretty much eating myself stupid, and not paying for any of it. I kind of feel like when I was a little kid and I went to that friends house who's mom bought them all types of snacks your parents didn't. You go into this psychotic fat ass rage and eat anything you get your hands on because it's free and a rare occasion.
Like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory you could say.
Except Macky in fucking Wal-Mart.
The pace at which I'm running around and ravaging anything edible is probably comparable.
--Hour 6--
When I proposed to you all that I was going to do this, a bunch of you suggested these list that were floating around, the 100 things to do in Wal-Mart. I took a look at them, and thought some ideas were pretty humorous. It's not really my style though, I don't particularly get off on shit like that anymore, because I'm an old bitch.
I did figure I would start making my own list though, and that it would probably keep me busy to try and come up with things to do.
So without further delay, here is the I Must Be Dead list of 100 things to do when stuck in Wal-Mart.
1.Fucking Kill Yourself
2.Fucking Kill Yourself
3.Fucking Kill Yourself
4.Fucking Kill Yourself
5.Fucking Kill Yourself
6.Fucking Kill Yourself
7.Fucking Kill Yourself
8.Fucking Kill Yourself
9.Fucking Kill Yourself
10.Fucking Kill Yourself
11.Fucking Kill Yourself
12.Fucking Kill Yourself
13.Fucking Kill Yourself
14.Fucking Kill Yourself
15.Fucking Kill Yourself
16.Fucking Kill Yourself
17.Fucking Kill Yourself
18.Fucking Kill Yourself
19.Fucking Kill Yourself
20.Fucking Kill Yourself
21.Fucking Kill Yourself
22.Fucking Kill Yourself
23.Fucking Kill Yourself
24.Fucking Kill Yourself
25.Fucking Kill Yourself
26.Fucking Kill Yourself
27.Fucking Kill Yourself
28.Fucking Kill Yourself
29.Fucking Kill Yourself
30.Fucking Kill Yourself
31.Fucking Kill Yourself
32.Fucking Kill Yourself
33.Fucking Kill Yourself
34.Fucking Kill Yourself
35.Fucking Kill Yourself
36.Fucking Kill Yourself
37.Fucking Kill Yourself
38.Fucking Kill Yourself
39.Fucking Kill Yourself
40.Fucking Kill Yourself
41.Fucking Kill Yourself
42.Fucking Kill Yourself
43.Fucking Kill Yourself
44.Fucking Kill Yourself
45.Fucking Kill Yourself
46.Fucking Kill Yourself
47.Fucking Kill Yourself
48.Fucking Kill Yourself
49.Fucking Kill Yourself
50.Fucking Kill Yourself
51.Fucking Kill Yourself
52.Fucking Kill Yourself
53.Fucking Kill Yourself
54.Fucking Kill Yourself
55.Fucking Kill Yourself
56.Fucking Kill Yourself
57.Fucking Kill Yourself
58.Fucking Kill Yourself
59.Fucking Kill Yourself
60.Fucking Kill Yourself
61.Fucking Kill Yourself
62.Fucking Kill Yourself
63.Fucking Kill Yourself
64.Fucking Kill Yourself
65.Fucking Kill Yourself
66.Fucking Kill Yourself
67.Fucking Kill Yourself
68.Fucking Kill Yourself
69.Fucking Kill Yourself
70.Fucking Kill Yourself
71.Fucking Kill Yourself
72.Fucking Kill Yourself
73.Fucking Kill Yourself
74.Fucking Kill Yourself
75.Fucking Kill Yourself
76.Fucking Kill Yourself
77.Fucking Kill Yourself
78.Fucking Kill Yourself
79.Fucking Kill Yourself
80.Fucking Kill Yourself
81.Fucking Kill Yourself
82.Fucking Kill Yourself
83.Fucking Kill Yourself
84.Fucking Kill Yourself
85.Fucking Kill Yourself
86.Fucking Kill Yourself
87.Fucking Kill Yourself
88.Fucking Kill Yourself
89.Fucking Kill Yourself
90.Fucking Kill Yourself
91.Fucking Kill Yourself
92.Fucking Kill Yourself
93.Fucking Kill Yourself
94.Fucking Kill Yourself
95.Fucking Kill Yourself
96.Fucking Kill Yourself
97.Fucking Kill Yourself
98.Fucking Kill Yourself
99.Fucking Kill Yourself
100.Fucking Steal Chocolate
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More in a bit, don't die on me, it's coming.
Also wanted to throw a feature out there, not for any reason other then I said I would.
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